Decisions decisions decisions. So many decisions.

I hate it. Truly i hate making decisions only because most of the time i decide something then right after i don’t like it and wonder how much better the other option was. It is just something we as humans do or maybe just me. Everything we do we decide, any decision we make can effect ourselves or everyone around you or both. It could even change your life for the better or for the worse.

Lately life has been kinda stressful. Some things have happen that i didn’t want to happen and some things coming up i don’t want to happen but all of the that came from what? You got it! My decisions! I try my best to think things through and make the right decisions but sometimes it just doesn’t seem that way. Life isn’t easy, everyone understands that. You could be the richest person in the world and have difficult decisions. Not matter where you are on the financial ladder you have to make difficult decisions.

(It may to some people sound like im complaining but i’m not. Why i justify myself on here i don’t know.) For some people making any type of decision is easy for them whether it is firing someone from their job to even breaking up with someone they’re dating. People like me have a hard time deciding on what to do in hard situations. If i was working as a manager somewhere and had to fire someone it would suck. How i am i would think about why fire this person who may have a family to provide for, car payments, debt she/he is trying to pay off. Something like that would suck, and would bother me for a while. Yes there are somethings that you may not want to do but have to do. The point of that is making decisions that directly effect other people scares me. If i make the wrong decision it could ruin that persons life. Which is something i wouldn’t be able to live with.

I try and not stress myself out about every decision i make because there are times where i make hard decisions that end well and make easy decisions that don’t. Either way we as humans will never know how things turn out until it happens. We always hope that it ends well. Unless you are some type of villain that wants people to suffer and take over the world. Then that my friends is a not so good person to be around when the decision making process in underway. If you like the sort of life style then hey more to you my friend. I would of said more power to you but we have seen many of times what happens when bad guys/girls have power it usually doesn’t end well.

The moral of this story is that no matter what we do, no matter what decisions we make things happen. Whether they be good or bad we cannot do much about it till it happens. Most people like things to go well and have no drama because of it while others hope for the opposite. Today if you have any hard decisions to make take your time to figure out what is the best option for you. Don’t try and rush anything because of someone else, from my experience when that happens it doesn’t end so sweet. If charlie stopped trying to find the golden ticket or even gave it to someone else would he regretted it? Or if Michael Jordan decided to pursue a professional baseball career as a kid instead of basketball would it ended well for him? Certain decisions can change your life forever. I hope whatever decisions you make go for the best and you come out of it victorious.

Good Luck.

Until then ill practice my Donald Trump impression and read a good book in my nooice tree house. Yes i spelled nooice. Look it up.

One year ago today.

To be honest i don’t like doing post like this. For many reasons really. For starters i don’t like talking about how i feel, people who usually don’t care act like they care and addressing the fact of whatever the situation is. I’m here now so i feel like i should continue with this post. Some of the people reading this already know what this post is going to be about while others don’t. I briefly talked about it in a previous post which you can view here LINK

One year ago today one of the worst days of my life happened. The first girl i ever loved, the first girl who meant everything to me even though i wasn’t the greatest boyfriend passed away. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Just hearing the words that someone i loved passed away and knowing how things were between us it hurts.

I am not going to go into great detail about this because if i do ill just get all emotional and such and that my fellow internet users is not a pretty site. What i have learned since that day was life is short. I did a lot of maturing during this past year and a lot has changed for me. I did a lot of thinking and trying to change some things that i didn’t like. I am also not the only person effected by my ex girlfriends passing. She has friends and family and others that do miss her a lot and wish she was still here with us. I haven’t really spoken to most of the her family since then but if any of the do end up reading this i do want to say i am sorry for not reaching out during that time. Honestly all of 2013 i was just depressed and wasn’t really sure what i should do and how to do it. I know that may sound like an excuse to some but truly it isn’t. Now that time has passed and my mind is in a better place i would like to talk to her family and just see how things are.

The only thing that did bother me about this past year was of how some people talked to me about it. I did have some people come to me around a week or two after the passing of my ex. They were talking about am i dating or have i moved on yet and all of this ignorant shit. It just blows my mind how insensitive people are and if someone they loved happened to pass away and i said the same exact things they said to me they would probably want to kick my ass. I did not do that because i can’t fight. (Really i can’t, im a lover not a fighter) all i did is stop talking to those people. I don’t need that ignorance in my life so i cut them out. If you wondering if you are one of those people and you think you are or not sure let me know i will confirm it for you. I know that sounds like im mad or a dick its not. I just don’t want the wrong people thinking they said something wrong to me when i may not be even talking about them.

Harmony. One year ago you passed away. It hurt when i found out as i am sure it did many others but in cause of it, it made me a better person. You helped me grow even though you aren’t here to see it. To be honest i am not sure if god is real or not but if he is then hopefully he is taking care of you and all of your family members as well and maybe one day we can meet up again and catch up on old times. Just like you told me one of the last times i saw you “It’s never a goodbye, it’s really see ya later” (that isn’t a direct quote just what i remember if my memory serves me right.)

Death and how to handle losing a loved one (at least in my opinion).

Eventually we all die. Our friends, family, enemies, role models all die. Yeah it sucks knowing someone who has been there for you and had an impact on your life is gone but that is just a part of life. Everyone dies and it will also be like that until science somehow develops something crazy to where people can decide how much longer they want to live. Then eventually it will fall into the wrong hands and someone takes advantage of that technology then some hero has to save the day and then world loves happily ever after!

I am sure for certain people who read this it’s going to be annoying or whatever because what i am going to talk about i talked about all last year. Not because i wanted attention or anything of that matter but so i can talk about how i feel and not hold anything in. To be honest if anyone didn’t care or got tired of me talking then kick rocks because i did it for myself and no one else. Onto my point!

April of 2013 (last year duh.) my ex girlfriend past way. I remember getting a call at 9 am from her cousin saying she passed away. Now at the time we were broken up because the whole long distance relationship wasn’t working all that well and things in general weren’t all that great. When i got that call it felt like my heart sank, like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut as hard as he could. I don’t think i ever cried as much and as hard in my entire life. I mean when you date someone and really care for them and truly love them do you ever think that one day they will ever die? I know i never did. The first week of me finding out and going the candle light vigil at her high school and going to the funeral was the craziest week i have ever experienced. When people found out what happened people who i never talked to started texting and messaging me saying how “im here for you if you need me” and stuff like that. People would text me everyday to see how i am doing and try to talk to me. Then after that first week people just stop. It seemed like nothing happened. I know people don’t want to keep trying to talk to someone but i don’t like how people act like they care then never speak to you again after that first week. As time went on i was just really depressed and confused. I didn’t know what to do. The first girl i ever loved is dead. I thought to myself “what is next?” So for most of 2013 i was just hiding my feelings and trying to get through everyday. It was a very slow and rough year. Easily the hardest i have been through.

Now maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do, being depressed and sad for a whole year but that was how long it took for me to accept everything and feel good enough to move on. There are people who are truly insensitive and will try to make it seem like your a bitch or some weak person for feeling upset over losing someone. I know i had many people try and talk to me like it wasn’t a big deal. I stopped talking to those people because of the ignorant shit i heard and got tired of their shit. So if it takes you a year or ten to accept losing someone then fine. Don’t ever rush how you feel because some people want to make you think your a bitch because your upset about losing someone. Know that you have people around you who are truly there for you and are there to listen to you if you have to get things off your chest.

Some people will try and tell you to do things so your mind isn’t thinking about that loved one. For some people working out, going to the beach, reading or anything helps people not think about that person and helps them move on. Me personally that never worked. All it did for me it just think about it more. So how ever you handle and deal with that is your own way. If drawing helps you move one then draw everyday or if writing does do that. As long as it is helping you in the long run that is all that matters.

The thing you shouldn’t do is let your negative thoughts get the best of you. I know at time my mind wasn’t in good places i was close to doing some things that were harmful to myself and would of been harmful to the people around me. If you are thinking of hurting yourself or doing something radical do not do it. Over time things will get better and hurting yourself is not the option. What could happen if things get out of hand is that it will effect you for the rest of life and maybe even cause you to lose your life. I mean think of it this way would the person you lost want you to hurt yourself? I highly doubt it. Please if you ever have a need to hurt yourself talk to someone as soon as possible because then they can get you help and help you take care of yourself and be there for you.

To wrap this whole thing up death sucks. It is such a painful thing to experience and see. The thing is everyone deals with it in some shape or form. If you ever feel like you no one to turn to you are wrong. There are people out there willing to listen and help as much as possible because they want to be there for you. Take everything a day at a time and one day whether it be tomorrow or twenty years from now life gets a little bit brighter and things will look a bit better.

On that note i am going to my nice little tree fort to watch Power Rangers in Space. Why you ask? (I know you didn’t ask just work with me here.) Because that season is amazing. Boom.

Equality is for everyone. The problem is not everyone gets it.

I posted a video on YouTube about my opinion on gay marriage and how i feel everyone should be treated equal. If you want to check it out here is the LINK. 

I decided to take some time away just because a lot has been happening in my personal life that i didn’t want it to effect anything on here and say things that shouldn’t be said. Now that things are better and my mind is in a good place it is perfect for me to post once again.

I was having a conversation with a friend and we talked about gay marriage and similar topics. Personally i don’t understand why people judge others for no reason. People will talk about how much being gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc etc is a sin and usually just say “it’s a sin because it’s in the bible”. I haven’t read the bible so i can’t say whether it is true or not but i feel that it’s an excuse just to judge someone because of their differences. I have always been a supporter for the LGBT community. I have also been a supporter for all communities no matter what races, gender, size, or even height someone is. None of the that should really matter at the end of the day. It should matter who this person is and what they bring to the table instead of who they love and what their skin color is.

Even when i was a kid we learned about slavery and the civil rights movement and even the feminist movement and seeing what struggles people had to go through just to be equal because some people didn’t want things to change and disagreed with how things were going. What i feel no one thinks about is the future, i say this because when the people of now eventually die and their kids or even grand-kids get older they will have problems or maybe even the same problems people of today have. Shouldn’t we as people try and make the world just a even a little better so one day our children’s future be better? We should be more understanding and try to make people more equal so lives can be better now and hopefully for the future. So when i see people talk about how much they dislike gay people, black people, asian people, lesbians, etc etc  it truly blows my mind. The people who are judging have not even an idea what these people are like, what their day to day activities are or even what their opinion on topics are. People just generalize and judge just because there aren’t any repercussions for their words. Which their should be, maybe for people to get to know someone who lives a different life. See a week in their world and what people have to go through on a daily basis. I know for some people it wouldn’t change a thing but i hope for other people that would be a light going off and then all the judging and all the hate they bring stops and causes a respect and an understanding of other people.

Maybe one day when i am dead and so is the rest of my generation that people of the future look back in their textbooks and old websites and see how ridiculous people were in my time. That in the future people are more understanding and judge less and have happier lives and people can be who they are and love who they want without their family or friends or even strangers judging them without truly listening to them and giving what they have to say a chance.

I know there are tons and tons of people who support the black community, asian, latin, LGBT and other communities so i don’t want people to think that not a lot of people support others. I am just talking about the people who are ignorant and not giving a chance to see people in a better light then they see people now.

If anyone needs me ill be in my tree fort watching boring commercials on the internet because no matter where we go we can never escape commercials.