The future of a twenty year old.

“Find something you love and make money doing it.” For most of my life this last sentence is something my father has taught me to remember. I don’t talk about it but it means more to me then most quotes i have heard. Most quotes to me at least are very basic and are said in many different ways but have the same overall meaning. As is this one above. It is a very basic and simple quote but has a very good meaning. 

Being twenty years old people finding a career is harder then most people make it out to be. For years people in my life tend to ask me what i wanted to do when i got older. When i was in elementary school it was either a baseball player or a firemen. As i got older and entered middle school it became video game designer or director. Now that i graduated both levels of school and high school when people ask me the same question i really don’t know what to say. I have had ideas of what i wanted to pursue but then that turns into a conversation that leads me to ending whatever interest i have into that career field. 

I have had conversations with my dad about things that i have had or still have interest in and every time he would always say “find something you love and make money doing it.” He was in a similar position when he was my age. Around my age he was in the military and trying to figure out his path in life. Doing different jobs and seeing if its something he liked. After he left the military he continued to look for something he loved and wanted to do for the rest of his life. For a while he found nothing, just doing different jobs and making ends meat. After sometime he eventually found something. He found heating and air conditioning, well installing heating and air conditioning into peoples houses. He loves it, everyday or at least most days him and i talk about what happened on the jobs he did that day and what he had to do or even some of the different people he worked with. The way he talks about his job is amazing and it has this true sense of happiness behind that no one really sees. If you know my father it may not seem like that because it seems he complains about the job or his bosses or even how tired he is on a daily basis then how much he enjoys it. Living with him for these past six years i can see that at the end of the day he truly loves what he wakes up to everyday. 

That is something i hope to find one day. Waking up at 6 am to go to a job that some days might make me upset or stressed but when i go home to see my family and friends ill know that what i do for a living is fulfilling and something i truly love doing. I am sure one day it will happen. Whether it will be tomorrow or five years from now either way doing something i love and making money doing it is the greatest reward in itself. 

Now i am off to find my one true job. Whether i can find it right away is a tough thing to do but it will happen. Just gotta have patience and hope. If anyone needs me ill be in the tree fort of the future. My future. 

Life as it is now and just things in general.

It has been about a month or so since i last wrote a post on this blog. To be honest it has kind of bothered me. I know if it bothered me so much that i could simply just have done more posts than this opening paragraph would be super irrelevant. That is neither here nor there but here we are. These last few months have been interesting for me. There have been up’s, down’s. Pretty much like any other person with any type of problems. The thing with me is i react to my problems differently and in a way that i usually wouldn’t do. Will i go into that at all in this post? No. Sorry.

I started going to therapy about a month ago or so. For the record a lot of people may not know i even go to therapy. Some people thought that things were going great and why need therapy. Well reader of mine that is the exact opposite. What i want people to do who know me in person is nothing. Do not bring up the fact i go to therapy and make a big deal about it or even go to my parents about because they know as well. I go because i feel it helps me not feel so trapped and alone and easy for me to talk to someone when i have had hard times talking about how i feel. If i didn’t go to therapy suicide would be a lot bigger issue than it is now. That is just facts. Also through therapy i am trying to accomplish some things as well but one step at a time. Knowing me if i try to do to many things at once than nothing will get accomplished. I am not going to say what things i am planning on doing because i don’t like talking about things that haven’t happened yet because most of the time when i do whatever i am trying to accomplish never actually gets accomplished. So good luck to myself with that i guess.

Besides therapy talk i did quit my previous job. That was the best decision i have made in years. My previous job brought me so much stress that it was ridiculous. I was employed for two years and it was a interesting two years to say the least. The only thing i got from my previous job was the experience. It helped working there and gaining some management experience working customer service. I do have a better understanding with dealing customers and using a registers simple things like that. Overall i think my time was overdue and if i stayed there any longer i would of gone ape shit. I didn’t mind working at a grocery store but working in a grocery store in a city with people who are rich and think they are better than you is annoying as shit. That is the past and this is the present. To whoever did take the time to read this thank you. It does mean a lot to me that people actually like my posts and continue reading them. I don’t really talk about it a lot but thank you. This was just an update on somethings that i have been doing/dealing with/handling/whatever these past few months. Be on the look out for some more posts this week. If you need me ill be in the tree fort. It has been some time since i been in there. It really needs some good cleaning and a slight makeover.

I am in a loving relationship with my flip phone.

For the last ten minutes or so i have been looking at my phone. Truly there isn’t much to look at because it’s a flip phone but it got me thinking. Thinking about how cell phones changed how we interact with others, go about our daily lives and how much time people spend on their phones. There are a few reasons why i don’t have an iPhone or an android:

1) I simply do not care enough to get one. For some people they might not understand why i don’t care so i am going to tell you (i was going to anyway but figured i just make sure). To have a smartphone doesn’t interest me. I have twitter and facebook but i feel that i don’t need a phone to check it or use snapchat and instagram because i would post pictures neither i or the people who follow me actually like. I don’t need to have all these apps that in ten years won’t even be around.

2) I like being different whether it may get me laughed at or not. For most people who find out i still have a flip phone they tend to laugh then ask me questions on why i don’t have one and why i should get one. People who i  guess do not know me whether or not they grill me on not being “up to date” or “girls are going to laugh at you because of that” then that is fine with me. It’s not going to change anything. If it bothers people that much that i have a flip phone then buy me a iPhone or an android and pay for my bill and i will gladly use that phone. If not then keep your two cents because those my friend i have a enough of thank you very much.

3) I personally feel it is a waste of money. Now i am not saying it is a complete waste of money i just think phones of that caliber are a lot of money. You may be thinking “oh you must not have money to pay for those phones” i have money for a nice smartphone. Do not worry about that it is just the fact that i don’t want to spend a few hundred bucks for a phone that isn’t going to be around in a few years. I rather just keep my shitty phone for now and wait till a price drop or a phone that really intrigues me to spend that amount of money. Until that day my flip phone will be around for as long as it is still working.

Last but not least 4) Fuck what you think. Whether or not you like the fact i do have a flip phone or ask me a million and one questions to why i don’t have a better phone or just wanna good laugh go for it. Truly i have zero cares for your opinion, because at the end of the day i am still gonna call the same people, text the same people and use social media and other apps on my computer that i love very dearly as long as i can. I am happy with what technologies i have or do not have. People may have problems with it but sorry you entered the store where we are all out of fucks, sorry try again next time.

This may sound like i am complaining about other people and their opinions. Honestly it is not that, all it is me stating my opinion on others opinions and actions. If i was complaining i have others forms of doing that and i wouldn’t put those concerns on the internet for everyone who has access can see. It is just (as i said before) me stating my opinion on a certain topic some people have different opinions on.

Well its almost 8:30 and i am going to finish texting all my cool friends with my flip phone. YEAH MY PHONE FLIPS OPEN! WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE DO???!!! NOTHING BESIDES HAVE A CASE AROUND IT AND YOU CAN TOUCH THE SCREEN!!! OH YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO COOL!!! Sorry about that it had to be done. I will be in my tree fort if anyone needs me. I do apologize for the screaming that was not intended for you unless you fall into any of these four reasons. You were just being nice enough to read this and got yelled at i am sorry and one day will make it up to you by buying you a nice ice cream of your choice.

No one likes the future. All the cool kids like that past.

Why don’t people like the future? Nostalgia is making millions these last few years. In my opinion stuff about the future isn’t as popular as the past is.

It may just be me but it seems that the past few years nostalgia is pretty popular. It has always been popular because people like buying things from their childhood or watching old shows and movies but for pop culture nostalgia is pretty big. I am not saying there is a problem with this. It may seem like that but that is not what i am leaning towards. It is interesting how things from the past are coming back or at least trying to and making money doing it. For example there is going to be a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers feature film. I myself am a big power rangers fan (if you know even just a little you know this) and it is interesting because seeing all these re-boots and remakes from the past making money and seeing superhero movies based on comics from the past make millions why not try to get on that nostalgia train as well? Another example to where things from the past are coming back, later on this year Pokemon ruby and sapphire are coming back on will be on the 3DS. Now they are coming back as Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. A lot or most Pokemon fans are pretty excited for it.

You may not be seeing a point here talking about things from the past coming back. Just give it some sentences and you will see where i am going with this.

It is interesting seeing all these things come back from the past. I love my nostalgia and it is great to look at the past but i think we as people do it too much. It just seems that these things from the past come back into the mainstream because it brings people back to a time where he/she had a good time and  i personally think we should start going looking towards the future.

As i get older i see why people tend to go toward the past then the future. The past is something familiar and it is something has happened and fun to look upon while the future is uncertain and anything could happen in the matter of seconds. The future can be scary and uncertain but we should start moving away from the past because it holds us back from doing certain things and may even put a hold on people’s creative process. Movies for example, re-boots and remakes happen a lot. Just taking an already successful idea and changing it a little and reselling it to the public. Music is the same way. Taking older songs and sampling them for new artists or songs and putting a different spin on it and putting it out into the public. The list of things from the past that are used now a days can go on and on. I feel that new ideas should be created and new things should happen. Taking more risks because this idea is different and new and may lead to some cool and interesting things. Yes i myself tend to go back and have all the nostalgia feels but i also try and experience new things so it can expand my mind and maybe even liven up my creativity.

To just sum this whole thing up is that while nostalgia is great and fun at the same time i feel it holds us as a society back. It makes us feel safe and we don’t have to worry about it failing because those ideas and thoughts are already visible and successful while new ideas are more risky and easy to fail because no one knows what can happen next. If those steps to try something new don’t happen or don’t get done then we as people are holding ourselves back because we don’t want to take those risks. Life is full of risks and failures and successes so why not try those things and see what it can lead to. If not then move forward at all?

Talking about nostalgia so much and using it in every sentence i am going to adventure on that train today. Then after sometime with that go and transfer over to the new train that may have issues and faults but with some fine tuning and some solid hard work can turn into something beautiful and majestic. All of this will be occurring in my tree fort by the way so please do not disturb. Thank you.

Registered my first domain.

This isn’t a regular post of mine. Really just a quick update. I just registered the yfbro.com domain. So from now on you will be seeing that in the address bar (i am sure you know this already). It is something small but something i have been thinking about it lately. Tomorrow or Tuesday i will be posting a new post. Or maybe one for the next few days. Only time will tell.

Until the next time, i’m going back to my tree fort.

What i mean when i say “I don’t care”.

If you know well me enough i am sure enough that you will hear these three words a good amount of time come from my mouth. So whenever i get into a conversation they will just throw out the “you don’t care about anything” card. Which is fine but it never works because there is a deeper meaning to those words.

For most of life i tried to work around what others thought of me. I tried to dress a certain way and act a certain way so people would like me. Other peoples opinion effected me more than my own. To be honest i think that is ridiculous, it is because if i don’t care about how i think of myself why would others around me care? It took me years to figure out and now that i am older i care less about what others think but i have my moments where i try a little for some type of likeness and acceptance (that may sound pretty hypocritical but hey i am not perfect). I’m sure i am not the only person like this. I mean in the overall of life caring about other people’s opinions about you or anything involving you shouldn’t matter but at the same time don’t we all want to feel liked and having people feel a positive about you? I think so. Yeah there might be the one girl/guy that is like “i don’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion and i never will, fuck people.” Hey my comrade good for you,  have a good day.

When you are a child you don’t really ever think about what the other kids think about you. You just want to be a kid, play with your toys, have naps and every so often have your friend from class come over and play with your new dolls or actions figures. As you get older most of kids try and fit in, all people want to do is be accepted. When middle school enters a kids life is when things start to change. Those pre-teens start having their opinions judged by other kids in school and will likely be judge because what they like or something involving them. Middle school is a weird time for a kid, after that then its high school and everything changes. High school is where your opinions get tested and you make friendships, dating and all that fun stuff. For some people it’s to try and get others to like them so they can be popular and have that acceptance they seek. It will always be like this, for some people they have a good time in high school and can look back and smile for others and for most people i know high school sucked and they wouldn’t go back because of how shitty it is. School is meant to be place to grow and gain knowledge to prepare you for the future. Truly it isn’t, in my opinion it kind of just seems like a giant popularity contest that involves homework and test/quizzes. My experience was that i don’t care about anything because that was the cool thing to do. Behind the scenes i tried to change myself so people would like me. If i was just myself and learned to like myself as a person then high school would of been a lot better and i would of had a better experience.

What i have learned is that older people don’t care what other people think or say. From what it seems like to me is that older people tend to realize how ridiculous it is to let what someone says about you or their opinion effect you. They are just living, they do what they want and say what they want and if people don’t like it then screw them. Which is good because letting someone effect what you think or feel because their opinion may not be so positive is not ok.

Just to put everything together in a nice solid ending: I don’t care about what people’s opinion on me is because i shouldn’t. I like how i dress, the music i listen to, the movies i watch, the people i hangout with. If people have a problem with that then they can start a blog talking about all of their problems. If i don’t like something about myself then i will change it or adjust it to what i want. In the grand scheme of life opinions are just words put together in a sentence. Their meaning isn’t a worth a cent.

Well it is nice to make a return to my tree fort (i took some time away from my tree house so my bed in my house didn’t feel so lonely.) Now that has passed the tree fort is in full effect. Gosh i love my tree fort.

Decisions decisions decisions. So many decisions.

I hate it. Truly i hate making decisions only because most of the time i decide something then right after i don’t like it and wonder how much better the other option was. It is just something we as humans do or maybe just me. Everything we do we decide, any decision we make can effect ourselves or everyone around you or both. It could even change your life for the better or for the worse.

Lately life has been kinda stressful. Some things have happen that i didn’t want to happen and some things coming up i don’t want to happen but all of the that came from what? You got it! My decisions! I try my best to think things through and make the right decisions but sometimes it just doesn’t seem that way. Life isn’t easy, everyone understands that. You could be the richest person in the world and have difficult decisions. Not matter where you are on the financial ladder you have to make difficult decisions.

(It may to some people sound like im complaining but i’m not. Why i justify myself on here i don’t know.) For some people making any type of decision is easy for them whether it is firing someone from their job to even breaking up with someone they’re dating. People like me have a hard time deciding on what to do in hard situations. If i was working as a manager somewhere and had to fire someone it would suck. How i am i would think about why fire this person who may have a family to provide for, car payments, debt she/he is trying to pay off. Something like that would suck, and would bother me for a while. Yes there are somethings that you may not want to do but have to do. The point of that is making decisions that directly effect other people scares me. If i make the wrong decision it could ruin that persons life. Which is something i wouldn’t be able to live with.

I try and not stress myself out about every decision i make because there are times where i make hard decisions that end well and make easy decisions that don’t. Either way we as humans will never know how things turn out until it happens. We always hope that it ends well. Unless you are some type of villain that wants people to suffer and take over the world. Then that my friends is a not so good person to be around when the decision making process in underway. If you like the sort of life style then hey more to you my friend. I would of said more power to you but we have seen many of times what happens when bad guys/girls have power it usually doesn’t end well.

The moral of this story is that no matter what we do, no matter what decisions we make things happen. Whether they be good or bad we cannot do much about it till it happens. Most people like things to go well and have no drama because of it while others hope for the opposite. Today if you have any hard decisions to make take your time to figure out what is the best option for you. Don’t try and rush anything because of someone else, from my experience when that happens it doesn’t end so sweet. If charlie stopped trying to find the golden ticket or even gave it to someone else would he regretted it? Or if Michael Jordan decided to pursue a professional baseball career as a kid instead of basketball would it ended well for him? Certain decisions can change your life forever. I hope whatever decisions you make go for the best and you come out of it victorious.

Good Luck.

Until then ill practice my Donald Trump impression and read a good book in my nooice tree house. Yes i spelled nooice. Look it up.

One year ago today.

To be honest i don’t like doing post like this. For many reasons really. For starters i don’t like talking about how i feel, people who usually don’t care act like they care and addressing the fact of whatever the situation is. I’m here now so i feel like i should continue with this post. Some of the people reading this already know what this post is going to be about while others don’t. I briefly talked about it in a previous post which you can view here LINK

One year ago today one of the worst days of my life happened. The first girl i ever loved, the first girl who meant everything to me even though i wasn’t the greatest boyfriend passed away. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Just hearing the words that someone i loved passed away and knowing how things were between us it hurts.

I am not going to go into great detail about this because if i do ill just get all emotional and such and that my fellow internet users is not a pretty site. What i have learned since that day was life is short. I did a lot of maturing during this past year and a lot has changed for me. I did a lot of thinking and trying to change some things that i didn’t like. I am also not the only person effected by my ex girlfriends passing. She has friends and family and others that do miss her a lot and wish she was still here with us. I haven’t really spoken to most of the her family since then but if any of the do end up reading this i do want to say i am sorry for not reaching out during that time. Honestly all of 2013 i was just depressed and wasn’t really sure what i should do and how to do it. I know that may sound like an excuse to some but truly it isn’t. Now that time has passed and my mind is in a better place i would like to talk to her family and just see how things are.

The only thing that did bother me about this past year was of how some people talked to me about it. I did have some people come to me around a week or two after the passing of my ex. They were talking about am i dating or have i moved on yet and all of this ignorant shit. It just blows my mind how insensitive people are and if someone they loved happened to pass away and i said the same exact things they said to me they would probably want to kick my ass. I did not do that because i can’t fight. (Really i can’t, im a lover not a fighter) all i did is stop talking to those people. I don’t need that ignorance in my life so i cut them out. If you wondering if you are one of those people and you think you are or not sure let me know i will confirm it for you. I know that sounds like im mad or a dick its not. I just don’t want the wrong people thinking they said something wrong to me when i may not be even talking about them.

Harmony. One year ago you passed away. It hurt when i found out as i am sure it did many others but in cause of it, it made me a better person. You helped me grow even though you aren’t here to see it. To be honest i am not sure if god is real or not but if he is then hopefully he is taking care of you and all of your family members as well and maybe one day we can meet up again and catch up on old times. Just like you told me one of the last times i saw you “It’s never a goodbye, it’s really see ya later” (that isn’t a direct quote just what i remember if my memory serves me right.)

Death and how to handle losing a loved one (at least in my opinion).

Eventually we all die. Our friends, family, enemies, role models all die. Yeah it sucks knowing someone who has been there for you and had an impact on your life is gone but that is just a part of life. Everyone dies and it will also be like that until science somehow develops something crazy to where people can decide how much longer they want to live. Then eventually it will fall into the wrong hands and someone takes advantage of that technology then some hero has to save the day and then world loves happily ever after!

I am sure for certain people who read this it’s going to be annoying or whatever because what i am going to talk about i talked about all last year. Not because i wanted attention or anything of that matter but so i can talk about how i feel and not hold anything in. To be honest if anyone didn’t care or got tired of me talking then kick rocks because i did it for myself and no one else. Onto my point!

April of 2013 (last year duh.) my ex girlfriend past way. I remember getting a call at 9 am from her cousin saying she passed away. Now at the time we were broken up because the whole long distance relationship wasn’t working all that well and things in general weren’t all that great. When i got that call it felt like my heart sank, like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut as hard as he could. I don’t think i ever cried as much and as hard in my entire life. I mean when you date someone and really care for them and truly love them do you ever think that one day they will ever die? I know i never did. The first week of me finding out and going the candle light vigil at her high school and going to the funeral was the craziest week i have ever experienced. When people found out what happened people who i never talked to started texting and messaging me saying how “im here for you if you need me” and stuff like that. People would text me everyday to see how i am doing and try to talk to me. Then after that first week people just stop. It seemed like nothing happened. I know people don’t want to keep trying to talk to someone but i don’t like how people act like they care then never speak to you again after that first week. As time went on i was just really depressed and confused. I didn’t know what to do. The first girl i ever loved is dead. I thought to myself “what is next?” So for most of 2013 i was just hiding my feelings and trying to get through everyday. It was a very slow and rough year. Easily the hardest i have been through.

Now maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do, being depressed and sad for a whole year but that was how long it took for me to accept everything and feel good enough to move on. There are people who are truly insensitive and will try to make it seem like your a bitch or some weak person for feeling upset over losing someone. I know i had many people try and talk to me like it wasn’t a big deal. I stopped talking to those people because of the ignorant shit i heard and got tired of their shit. So if it takes you a year or ten to accept losing someone then fine. Don’t ever rush how you feel because some people want to make you think your a bitch because your upset about losing someone. Know that you have people around you who are truly there for you and are there to listen to you if you have to get things off your chest.

Some people will try and tell you to do things so your mind isn’t thinking about that loved one. For some people working out, going to the beach, reading or anything helps people not think about that person and helps them move on. Me personally that never worked. All it did for me it just think about it more. So how ever you handle and deal with that is your own way. If drawing helps you move one then draw everyday or if writing does do that. As long as it is helping you in the long run that is all that matters.

The thing you shouldn’t do is let your negative thoughts get the best of you. I know at time my mind wasn’t in good places i was close to doing some things that were harmful to myself and would of been harmful to the people around me. If you are thinking of hurting yourself or doing something radical do not do it. Over time things will get better and hurting yourself is not the option. What could happen if things get out of hand is that it will effect you for the rest of life and maybe even cause you to lose your life. I mean think of it this way would the person you lost want you to hurt yourself? I highly doubt it. Please if you ever have a need to hurt yourself talk to someone as soon as possible because then they can get you help and help you take care of yourself and be there for you.

To wrap this whole thing up death sucks. It is such a painful thing to experience and see. The thing is everyone deals with it in some shape or form. If you ever feel like you no one to turn to you are wrong. There are people out there willing to listen and help as much as possible because they want to be there for you. Take everything a day at a time and one day whether it be tomorrow or twenty years from now life gets a little bit brighter and things will look a bit better.

On that note i am going to my nice little tree fort to watch Power Rangers in Space. Why you ask? (I know you didn’t ask just work with me here.) Because that season is amazing. Boom.

Equality is for everyone. The problem is not everyone gets it.

I posted a video on YouTube about my opinion on gay marriage and how i feel everyone should be treated equal. If you want to check it out here is the LINK. 

I decided to take some time away just because a lot has been happening in my personal life that i didn’t want it to effect anything on here and say things that shouldn’t be said. Now that things are better and my mind is in a good place it is perfect for me to post once again.

I was having a conversation with a friend and we talked about gay marriage and similar topics. Personally i don’t understand why people judge others for no reason. People will talk about how much being gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc etc is a sin and usually just say “it’s a sin because it’s in the bible”. I haven’t read the bible so i can’t say whether it is true or not but i feel that it’s an excuse just to judge someone because of their differences. I have always been a supporter for the LGBT community. I have also been a supporter for all communities no matter what races, gender, size, or even height someone is. None of the that should really matter at the end of the day. It should matter who this person is and what they bring to the table instead of who they love and what their skin color is.

Even when i was a kid we learned about slavery and the civil rights movement and even the feminist movement and seeing what struggles people had to go through just to be equal because some people didn’t want things to change and disagreed with how things were going. What i feel no one thinks about is the future, i say this because when the people of now eventually die and their kids or even grand-kids get older they will have problems or maybe even the same problems people of today have. Shouldn’t we as people try and make the world just a even a little better so one day our children’s future be better? We should be more understanding and try to make people more equal so lives can be better now and hopefully for the future. So when i see people talk about how much they dislike gay people, black people, asian people, lesbians, etc etc  it truly blows my mind. The people who are judging have not even an idea what these people are like, what their day to day activities are or even what their opinion on topics are. People just generalize and judge just because there aren’t any repercussions for their words. Which their should be, maybe for people to get to know someone who lives a different life. See a week in their world and what people have to go through on a daily basis. I know for some people it wouldn’t change a thing but i hope for other people that would be a light going off and then all the judging and all the hate they bring stops and causes a respect and an understanding of other people.

Maybe one day when i am dead and so is the rest of my generation that people of the future look back in their textbooks and old websites and see how ridiculous people were in my time. That in the future people are more understanding and judge less and have happier lives and people can be who they are and love who they want without their family or friends or even strangers judging them without truly listening to them and giving what they have to say a chance.

I know there are tons and tons of people who support the black community, asian, latin, LGBT and other communities so i don’t want people to think that not a lot of people support others. I am just talking about the people who are ignorant and not giving a chance to see people in a better light then they see people now.

If anyone needs me ill be in my tree fort watching boring commercials on the internet because no matter where we go we can never escape commercials.