I am in a loving relationship with my flip phone.

For the last ten minutes or so i have been looking at my phone. Truly there isn’t much to look at because it’s a flip phone but it got me thinking. Thinking about how cell phones changed how we interact with others, go about our daily lives and how much time people spend on their phones. There are a few reasons why i don’t have an iPhone or an android:

1) I simply do not care enough to get one. For some people they might not understand why i don’t care so i am going to tell you (i was going to anyway but figured i just make sure). To have a smartphone doesn’t interest me. I have twitter and facebook but i feel that i don’t need a phone to check it or use snapchat and instagram because i would post pictures neither i or the people who follow me actually like. I don’t need to have all these apps that in ten years won’t even be around.

2) I like being different whether it may get me laughed at or not. For most people who find out i still have a flip phone they tend to laugh then ask me questions on why i don’t have one and why i should get one. People who i  guess do not know me whether or not they grill me on not being “up to date” or “girls are going to laugh at you because of that” then that is fine with me. It’s not going to change anything. If it bothers people that much that i have a flip phone then buy me a iPhone or an android and pay for my bill and i will gladly use that phone. If not then keep your two cents because those my friend i have a enough of thank you very much.

3) I personally feel it is a waste of money. Now i am not saying it is a complete waste of money i just think phones of that caliber are a lot of money. You may be thinking “oh you must not have money to pay for those phones” i have money for a nice smartphone. Do not worry about that it is just the fact that i don’t want to spend a few hundred bucks for a phone that isn’t going to be around in a few years. I rather just keep my shitty phone for now and wait till a price drop or a phone that really intrigues me to spend that amount of money. Until that day my flip phone will be around for as long as it is still working.

Last but not least 4) Fuck what you think. Whether or not you like the fact i do have a flip phone or ask me a million and one questions to why i don’t have a better phone or just wanna good laugh go for it. Truly i have zero cares for your opinion, because at the end of the day i am still gonna call the same people, text the same people and use social media and other apps on my computer that i love very dearly as long as i can. I am happy with what technologies i have or do not have. People may have problems with it but sorry you entered the store where we are all out of fucks, sorry try again next time.

This may sound like i am complaining about other people and their opinions. Honestly it is not that, all it is me stating my opinion on others opinions and actions. If i was complaining i have others forms of doing that and i wouldn’t put those concerns on the internet for everyone who has access can see. It is just (as i said before) me stating my opinion on a certain topic some people have different opinions on.

Well its almost 8:30 and i am going to finish texting all my cool friends with my flip phone. YEAH MY PHONE FLIPS OPEN! WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE DO???!!! NOTHING BESIDES HAVE A CASE AROUND IT AND YOU CAN TOUCH THE SCREEN!!! OH YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO COOL!!! Sorry about that it had to be done. I will be in my tree fort if anyone needs me. I do apologize for the screaming that was not intended for you unless you fall into any of these four reasons. You were just being nice enough to read this and got yelled at i am sorry and one day will make it up to you by buying you a nice ice cream of your choice.

What i mean when i say “I don’t care”.

If you know well me enough i am sure enough that you will hear these three words a good amount of time come from my mouth. So whenever i get into a conversation they will just throw out the “you don’t care about anything” card. Which is fine but it never works because there is a deeper meaning to those words.

For most of life i tried to work around what others thought of me. I tried to dress a certain way and act a certain way so people would like me. Other peoples opinion effected me more than my own. To be honest i think that is ridiculous, it is because if i don’t care about how i think of myself why would others around me care? It took me years to figure out and now that i am older i care less about what others think but i have my moments where i try a little for some type of likeness and acceptance (that may sound pretty hypocritical but hey i am not perfect). I’m sure i am not the only person like this. I mean in the overall of life caring about other people’s opinions about you or anything involving you shouldn’t matter but at the same time don’t we all want to feel liked and having people feel a positive about you? I think so. Yeah there might be the one girl/guy that is like “i don’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion and i never will, fuck people.” Hey my comrade good for you,  have a good day.

When you are a child you don’t really ever think about what the other kids think about you. You just want to be a kid, play with your toys, have naps and every so often have your friend from class come over and play with your new dolls or actions figures. As you get older most of kids try and fit in, all people want to do is be accepted. When middle school enters a kids life is when things start to change. Those pre-teens start having their opinions judged by other kids in school and will likely be judge because what they like or something involving them. Middle school is a weird time for a kid, after that then its high school and everything changes. High school is where your opinions get tested and you make friendships, dating and all that fun stuff. For some people it’s to try and get others to like them so they can be popular and have that acceptance they seek. It will always be like this, for some people they have a good time in high school and can look back and smile for others and for most people i know high school sucked and they wouldn’t go back because of how shitty it is. School is meant to be place to grow and gain knowledge to prepare you for the future. Truly it isn’t, in my opinion it kind of just seems like a giant popularity contest that involves homework and test/quizzes. My experience was that i don’t care about anything because that was the cool thing to do. Behind the scenes i tried to change myself so people would like me. If i was just myself and learned to like myself as a person then high school would of been a lot better and i would of had a better experience.

What i have learned is that older people don’t care what other people think or say. From what it seems like to me is that older people tend to realize how ridiculous it is to let what someone says about you or their opinion effect you. They are just living, they do what they want and say what they want and if people don’t like it then screw them. Which is good because letting someone effect what you think or feel because their opinion may not be so positive is not ok.

Just to put everything together in a nice solid ending: I don’t care about what people’s opinion on me is because i shouldn’t. I like how i dress, the music i listen to, the movies i watch, the people i hangout with. If people have a problem with that then they can start a blog talking about all of their problems. If i don’t like something about myself then i will change it or adjust it to what i want. In the grand scheme of life opinions are just words put together in a sentence. Their meaning isn’t a worth a cent.

Well it is nice to make a return to my tree fort (i took some time away from my tree house so my bed in my house didn’t feel so lonely.) Now that has passed the tree fort is in full effect. Gosh i love my tree fort.

Decisions decisions decisions. So many decisions.

I hate it. Truly i hate making decisions only because most of the time i decide something then right after i don’t like it and wonder how much better the other option was. It is just something we as humans do or maybe just me. Everything we do we decide, any decision we make can effect ourselves or everyone around you or both. It could even change your life for the better or for the worse.

Lately life has been kinda stressful. Some things have happen that i didn’t want to happen and some things coming up i don’t want to happen but all of the that came from what? You got it! My decisions! I try my best to think things through and make the right decisions but sometimes it just doesn’t seem that way. Life isn’t easy, everyone understands that. You could be the richest person in the world and have difficult decisions. Not matter where you are on the financial ladder you have to make difficult decisions.

(It may to some people sound like im complaining but i’m not. Why i justify myself on here i don’t know.) For some people making any type of decision is easy for them whether it is firing someone from their job to even breaking up with someone they’re dating. People like me have a hard time deciding on what to do in hard situations. If i was working as a manager somewhere and had to fire someone it would suck. How i am i would think about why fire this person who may have a family to provide for, car payments, debt she/he is trying to pay off. Something like that would suck, and would bother me for a while. Yes there are somethings that you may not want to do but have to do. The point of that is making decisions that directly effect other people scares me. If i make the wrong decision it could ruin that persons life. Which is something i wouldn’t be able to live with.

I try and not stress myself out about every decision i make because there are times where i make hard decisions that end well and make easy decisions that don’t. Either way we as humans will never know how things turn out until it happens. We always hope that it ends well. Unless you are some type of villain that wants people to suffer and take over the world. Then that my friends is a not so good person to be around when the decision making process in underway. If you like the sort of life style then hey more to you my friend. I would of said more power to you but we have seen many of times what happens when bad guys/girls have power it usually doesn’t end well.

The moral of this story is that no matter what we do, no matter what decisions we make things happen. Whether they be good or bad we cannot do much about it till it happens. Most people like things to go well and have no drama because of it while others hope for the opposite. Today if you have any hard decisions to make take your time to figure out what is the best option for you. Don’t try and rush anything because of someone else, from my experience when that happens it doesn’t end so sweet. If charlie stopped trying to find the golden ticket or even gave it to someone else would he regretted it? Or if Michael Jordan decided to pursue a professional baseball career as a kid instead of basketball would it ended well for him? Certain decisions can change your life forever. I hope whatever decisions you make go for the best and you come out of it victorious.

Good Luck.

Until then ill practice my Donald Trump impression and read a good book in my nooice tree house. Yes i spelled nooice. Look it up.

One year ago today.

To be honest i don’t like doing post like this. For many reasons really. For starters i don’t like talking about how i feel, people who usually don’t care act like they care and addressing the fact of whatever the situation is. I’m here now so i feel like i should continue with this post. Some of the people reading this already know what this post is going to be about while others don’t. I briefly talked about it in a previous post which you can view here LINK

One year ago today one of the worst days of my life happened. The first girl i ever loved, the first girl who meant everything to me even though i wasn’t the greatest boyfriend passed away. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Just hearing the words that someone i loved passed away and knowing how things were between us it hurts.

I am not going to go into great detail about this because if i do ill just get all emotional and such and that my fellow internet users is not a pretty site. What i have learned since that day was life is short. I did a lot of maturing during this past year and a lot has changed for me. I did a lot of thinking and trying to change some things that i didn’t like. I am also not the only person effected by my ex girlfriends passing. She has friends and family and others that do miss her a lot and wish she was still here with us. I haven’t really spoken to most of the her family since then but if any of the do end up reading this i do want to say i am sorry for not reaching out during that time. Honestly all of 2013 i was just depressed and wasn’t really sure what i should do and how to do it. I know that may sound like an excuse to some but truly it isn’t. Now that time has passed and my mind is in a better place i would like to talk to her family and just see how things are.

The only thing that did bother me about this past year was of how some people talked to me about it. I did have some people come to me around a week or two after the passing of my ex. They were talking about am i dating or have i moved on yet and all of this ignorant shit. It just blows my mind how insensitive people are and if someone they loved happened to pass away and i said the same exact things they said to me they would probably want to kick my ass. I did not do that because i can’t fight. (Really i can’t, im a lover not a fighter) all i did is stop talking to those people. I don’t need that ignorance in my life so i cut them out. If you wondering if you are one of those people and you think you are or not sure let me know i will confirm it for you. I know that sounds like im mad or a dick its not. I just don’t want the wrong people thinking they said something wrong to me when i may not be even talking about them.

Harmony. One year ago you passed away. It hurt when i found out as i am sure it did many others but in cause of it, it made me a better person. You helped me grow even though you aren’t here to see it. To be honest i am not sure if god is real or not but if he is then hopefully he is taking care of you and all of your family members as well and maybe one day we can meet up again and catch up on old times. Just like you told me one of the last times i saw you “It’s never a goodbye, it’s really see ya later” (that isn’t a direct quote just what i remember if my memory serves me right.)

Death and how to handle losing a loved one (at least in my opinion).

Eventually we all die. Our friends, family, enemies, role models all die. Yeah it sucks knowing someone who has been there for you and had an impact on your life is gone but that is just a part of life. Everyone dies and it will also be like that until science somehow develops something crazy to where people can decide how much longer they want to live. Then eventually it will fall into the wrong hands and someone takes advantage of that technology then some hero has to save the day and then world loves happily ever after!

I am sure for certain people who read this it’s going to be annoying or whatever because what i am going to talk about i talked about all last year. Not because i wanted attention or anything of that matter but so i can talk about how i feel and not hold anything in. To be honest if anyone didn’t care or got tired of me talking then kick rocks because i did it for myself and no one else. Onto my point!

April of 2013 (last year duh.) my ex girlfriend past way. I remember getting a call at 9 am from her cousin saying she passed away. Now at the time we were broken up because the whole long distance relationship wasn’t working all that well and things in general weren’t all that great. When i got that call it felt like my heart sank, like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut as hard as he could. I don’t think i ever cried as much and as hard in my entire life. I mean when you date someone and really care for them and truly love them do you ever think that one day they will ever die? I know i never did. The first week of me finding out and going the candle light vigil at her high school and going to the funeral was the craziest week i have ever experienced. When people found out what happened people who i never talked to started texting and messaging me saying how “im here for you if you need me” and stuff like that. People would text me everyday to see how i am doing and try to talk to me. Then after that first week people just stop. It seemed like nothing happened. I know people don’t want to keep trying to talk to someone but i don’t like how people act like they care then never speak to you again after that first week. As time went on i was just really depressed and confused. I didn’t know what to do. The first girl i ever loved is dead. I thought to myself “what is next?” So for most of 2013 i was just hiding my feelings and trying to get through everyday. It was a very slow and rough year. Easily the hardest i have been through.

Now maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do, being depressed and sad for a whole year but that was how long it took for me to accept everything and feel good enough to move on. There are people who are truly insensitive and will try to make it seem like your a bitch or some weak person for feeling upset over losing someone. I know i had many people try and talk to me like it wasn’t a big deal. I stopped talking to those people because of the ignorant shit i heard and got tired of their shit. So if it takes you a year or ten to accept losing someone then fine. Don’t ever rush how you feel because some people want to make you think your a bitch because your upset about losing someone. Know that you have people around you who are truly there for you and are there to listen to you if you have to get things off your chest.

Some people will try and tell you to do things so your mind isn’t thinking about that loved one. For some people working out, going to the beach, reading or anything helps people not think about that person and helps them move on. Me personally that never worked. All it did for me it just think about it more. So how ever you handle and deal with that is your own way. If drawing helps you move one then draw everyday or if writing does do that. As long as it is helping you in the long run that is all that matters.

The thing you shouldn’t do is let your negative thoughts get the best of you. I know at time my mind wasn’t in good places i was close to doing some things that were harmful to myself and would of been harmful to the people around me. If you are thinking of hurting yourself or doing something radical do not do it. Over time things will get better and hurting yourself is not the option. What could happen if things get out of hand is that it will effect you for the rest of life and maybe even cause you to lose your life. I mean think of it this way would the person you lost want you to hurt yourself? I highly doubt it. Please if you ever have a need to hurt yourself talk to someone as soon as possible because then they can get you help and help you take care of yourself and be there for you.

To wrap this whole thing up death sucks. It is such a painful thing to experience and see. The thing is everyone deals with it in some shape or form. If you ever feel like you no one to turn to you are wrong. There are people out there willing to listen and help as much as possible because they want to be there for you. Take everything a day at a time and one day whether it be tomorrow or twenty years from now life gets a little bit brighter and things will look a bit better.

On that note i am going to my nice little tree fort to watch Power Rangers in Space. Why you ask? (I know you didn’t ask just work with me here.) Because that season is amazing. Boom.

Seeking attention and insecurities

I remember starting my first day of 5th grade, i was new to the school and i didn’t know anybody. When i walked into the classroom every kid in the class was just staring at me probably trying to figure out who i was. It was very intense and that was when i realized that being the center of attention wasn’t for me. This is a reason why i don’t understand people who love being the center of attention or do their best to try to be. Yeah sometimes it is nice to have the spotlight especially if you are being recognized for something you have worked really hard on or won something of some sort. If your just trying to be the center of attention for no reason at all besides you love the attention then people most likely (in my opinion) will not spend much time with you and maybe even ignore you because all your trying to do is be in the spotlight.

Something i don’t understand about people is when let’s say it’s you and a bunch of your friends hanging out and you have that one friend that tries to put all their attention into that one friend and even when that friend is talking to someone else they try their hardest just for that friend to answer them and take them away from the person they were talking to. (I am not trying to sound like i’m jealous, because i personally don’t think i am that kind of person to get jealous.) It bothers me because you can see “Michael” talking to someone else about (insert topic here) and “Tony” is trying to get Michael’s attention when you clearly see him talking to someone else, it’s very rude and just so inconsiderate of other people. I have been in situations like this before and it happens all the time and it blows my mind how people keep doing this with no care.

The whole point of that is that if you are the kind of person that goes out and tries to seek attention or try to get a single person’s attention while that person is doing something else don’t. Having the attention toward you has it’s perks but there are better things out there to do. If more people just dealt with sharing that attention with others then things would be better for you and the others around you.

All of that leads me to my next topic at hand, insecurities. Everyone has their own insecurities, some may hate their big toe and never wear sandals, while others don’t like how they look. Whatever it is, no matter what it is most people try and hide their insecurities because they don’t want other people seeing it or feel like they are judging you. I have insecurities myself, i don’t like how i look in most clothes and when i’m around a lot of people i don’t know i get really weird and just want to leave. I don’t really address my insecurities with other people or anyone in fact because i try and avoid those talks with people about trying to make me feel better and such. Me doing this is something out of my comfort zone. You are lucky i like you.

At the same time i think people including myself should accept their insecurities. They should be considered more of a positive thing then negative. It is something about you that makes you different then the next person. Everyone is different and everyone has different likes and dislikes about themselves. If more people embraced them more then people would be a lot happier and you wouldn’t see some people get bullied over them. (Bullying is a whole other topic.) Since we live on this water filled planet called Earth people take advantage of people due to their insecurities and judge people because of them. JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND WHEN YOU DO OTHERS WILL AS WELL AND IF THEY DON”T THEN THEY CAN KICK ROCKS!

Hopefully people learned a little bit today from lessons from John. As long as you love yourself and just do you then today can be that much better. We all know that today could be the last. So embrace everything about yourself whether it looks weird or not. When you start loving you as a whole so will everyone else. On that note my tree fort just paged me, she misses me and i can’t keep my love waiting.

Advice for kids in high school

Everyone has to deal with high school. I know that for some kids high school is the worst time in their lives while others have a great time and miss being in high school. My high school experience would be in the middle of those two. It wasn’t bad but not all the great either. It is that time in life where people try to find themselves, figure out who their friends are and dating/sex is a big deal. In the grand scheme of things high school is just small part of your life but it does leave a lasting effect.

I remember being a child and wanting to grow up and go to high school. Going to parties, hanging out with friends, skipping class, going to class trips to other countries. Sounds fun doesn’t it? When i got to high school it wasn’t as fun as i thought it would be. Teachers sometimes can be pretty shitty, classmates can be assholes and overall life in high school is rough. My advice for anyone who is in high school or entering is this: just take everything a day at a time. If you try to hard to think about what college to apply and making your transcript look nice and other things it is only going to stress you out and make your four years rough. Yes your future is important and trying to get in college is good but there are times when getting into the best college and getting some degree that won’t help or mean anything isn’t worth the trouble. Your young, be young. Make mistakes, make memories, have fun! Its a time in life where you can get away with things you can’t when your in college struggling for money and eating ramen every night.

Most kids in high school want to date. You want to go see a movie with that cute girl/boy in your math class. Make out during the movie and tell your friends and cant wait to see them in school the next day. Some kids fall in love easily and then get crushed if that person stops talking to them all together or doesn’t want to go on a second date. Dating is fun, just be careful about having sex and don’t rush into something like that. It is your first time and it should be with someone you really like and feel your first time should be with this person.

Grades. Very important thing in school, yeah homework can be a bitch and projects are shitty but do it. I know checking facebook and twitter and tumblr is a lot more interesting then writing a report about Hamlet. As long as you get your shit done then life is that much easier. I know at my high school we got laptops and doing homework and projects go on a the back burner when you are in class playing games and messaging friends that are across the school. My grades were shit, my overall GPA in school was 1.8. I don’t know how i even graduated but i did. YAY!!!! DO YOUR SCHOOL WORK IT MAY NOT BE FUN OR IMPORTANT TO YOU BUT JUST DO IT, IT WILL MAKE YOU A LITTLE HAPPY, YOUR TEACHERS WILL NOT BE ON YOUR ASS 24/7 AND YOUR PARENTS WONT BE ON YOUR ASS EITHER 0R LEGAL GUARDIAN OR WHOEVER CARES ABOUT YOU!!!! JUST FUCKING DO IT!!!!!

In all honesty high school can either be fun, the worst fours years of your life or somewhere in between. Try and make the most of it, because after high school the real world is your new friend and he can be a douchebag for a long time and no one wants that now. Just have fun, meet new people, go out get a girlfriend or boyfriend, party (with soda and water no drugs!!, well most kids start smoking weed and drinking but i mean if that is your thing.) and have fun. Your a kid. Be a kid. Make mistakes, get yelled at. Well maybe don’t get yelled at because that could just ruin your day. All i’m trying to say is be yourself, don’t let high school change who you are. No one likes a fake friend, all people want is the real you and if they don’t then they can go and kick rocks.

So since now i’m going to look back at my yearbook and cry and think of all the memories and friends i made in high school and lay down and weep because i’m old and have a job and college and other real world problems. I will just be in my tree fort watching kids TV shows and movies so i can feel young again.